just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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