i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
