You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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