ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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