We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
