Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
