took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
