check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
