Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
