we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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