Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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