Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
