I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i think my cat just said my name.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
