note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
