guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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