you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
