It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
