OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
