this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
