Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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