How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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