As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
