you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
