its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I can't turn off my feet"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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