My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i think i have two assholes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
