I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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