I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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