I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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