Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
