everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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