so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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