Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
