My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
