he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
