I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Pants are for mortals
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
