i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
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Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
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Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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