can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
