her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He? As in you personified your dick?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
