A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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