508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
