I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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