So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
