All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
high people should be assigned attendants
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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