I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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