you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY