I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.