Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone