Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.