but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...