I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't deserve a penis
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
