So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
