Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
These tits shall not be calmed
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