Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
