how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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