I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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