My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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