New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I want a musical about memes.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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