Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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