Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
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If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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