we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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